Hello sweet boy, we just passed your 9 month birthday. Many things have happened since I wrote you last. It got hard to write to you, because I didn’t know what to say. We had our first memorial day for you, it was hard. Our first mother’s and father’s day without you. Both seemed like an empty day, like a big piece was missing. Our Caleb piece. We both spent the days thinking of you, and looking at your beautiful face in your album.
I wanted to tell you more about when you were still growing and how we found out about who you are. We had our first ultrasound, that’s where we got to see you inside my tummy. We got to see you for the first time and it was so wonderful. You moved around quite a bit, so they had to take extra pictures!
This was the very first picture we got to see of you, you were 14 weeks old! And so tiny. The doctors looked at all your pictures, and they told us you were little, and that you had something called a thick nuchal translucency, that meant you had a thick neck. And the doctors told us to come see them again 2 weeks later when they had special doctors come. Those 2 weeks were pretty scary and we spent a lot of time researching what all we could. We looked at things called chromosomes, deficiencies (when there is too little of something), and trisomys. There were a lot of things to look at.
Two weeks went by, and we went back to the doctors. The special doctors looked at the pictures for a very long time, it seemed almost forever. Then he came back to talk to us, and he told us something we weren’t ready for. The doctor told us that there were a lot of things about you that were not good. It was that moment, that momma knew. He talked about something called Trisomy 18, and how scary it was, and how you had many things about you that seemed to be the same. Your size, and neck, your arms and legs, all were very similar to what Trisomy 18 is. He told us that other babies have had this too, but sometimes they don’t get to meet their moms and dads. Momma, daddy and grandma all hugged each other and we started to cry, because we didn’t know what to say. That’s the day that so many people began to pray. And we started a journey of prayer for you.
This was a very hard time for us, it began a 6 month journey of uncertainty, fear, hopelessness. But we knew we could trust in God throughout this journey. And we did. I’ll talk to you soon little one.